Dear Digital Marketers
I have a bone to pick with you. There I was, sitting on my couch, browsing
through my Facebook feed, when I saw it.
Your web banner. I know you
inundate my page with art and offers, but this one was different. It was
unique. It was beautiful. It was like I was staring at the one thing that would
complete me- or at least my wardrobe.
There on the right side of my screen, 4.25 inches down, was
the most perfect, stunning, fantastic pair of shoes I had ever seen. All of your demographic “creeping” had finally paid off, for you and me, because
you had found for me the exact thing that I did not realize I had been missing
for my entire life. You found my
bliss. These weren’t just shoes- these
were THE shoes. They were already a part
of me.
Instantly my mind started racing with infatuation for these
perfectly designed 3.5 inch stiletto heels as I thought about all of the clothing
items in my closet eagerly awaiting these incredible shoes arrival to finally
accomplish the mission of completing the perfect outfit ensemble. So with giddiness and glee I enthusiastically
clicked your web banner.
I spent nearly seven minutes of my life clicking, and
typing, and making up passwords that require more complicated settings than my
personal bank account, taking style quizzes, giving you my email (my good
email! Not even my spam account) until finally I would reach the promised land
of being able to purchase my shoes; I risked carpal tunnel to type quickly
enough to purchase before they sold out.
But it was worth it. This was in
the name of the perfect pair of shoes.
Now after all of this effort and pent up excitement, imagine
my disappointment when I could not find my pair of shoes anywhere on your
website. After scrolling through pages of
your “suggestions”, my shoes that I so fervently clicked on were nowhere to be
found. Oh the humanity!
Not only did you once post this image that so seductively
lured me in, now you continue to post the same banner ad every day, and on
multiple sites. Why do you taunt me so!
What did I ever do to you besides help you boost your PPC by clicking on your
banners?
I conclude with this plea:
Dear Digital Marketers, please take me to the shoes on which I am
compelled to click. Please, help me help
you turn your banners into revenue.
Let’s work together. It’s for the
shoes.
Sincerely,
Shoeless Sarah
Mood: Dramatic
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